Lean

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Prov 3:5-6

I felt like I needed to sit in silence for a minute, so I put my chillin' mix on. But even my chillin' mix doesn't allow God the space to meet with me. If you know me well it takes a miracle for me to chill w/OUT my chillin' mix on :) Maybe I need to create a Silent Mix with zero tracks on it. I digress...

"Can you turn that off, too" says God. Ok fine.

Sometimes I get to this place where I have 80,000 thoughts running thru my mind, mostly jumbled up, and they consume me. I push God out of the picture the more I dwell on them, which leads me to where I end up now.

The silence.

And that verse pops into my head. And I feel like I can finally STOP leaning (slash dwelling) on my human, ugly, feet-running-in-place thoughts and it finally forces me to throw my hands up and say "ok I can't do anything more at this point. I'm just running in place now. I guess I have to trust you. I need to acknowledge you now, b/c I'm done with trying to figure out this stuff on my own. Because I'm tired, fresh out of energy, and I don't get it"

Not going to say it's rock bottom, but, it's certainly not a spacious place, where God ultimately wants to bring us into.

"He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me." - Ps 18:19

That verse has been coming to mind today. After David has the "chords of death entangling him," God rescues him b/c He delights in him, and He brings him into a spacious place.

A spacious place, where he looks all around, and there's nothing, nothing but the Father who just took him to that place. No enemies. No worries. No jumbling thoughts. Nothing. Peace.

But I don't think we can live in that space forever. Perhaps it's an "ok child, O child whom I created with my bare hands in your mother's womb, let me draw you out of these deep waters and take you to this place so we can spend time together, just you and me. Let me show you Truth. Let me show you my everlasting, ever-faithful promises I have for you."

And we get refreshed. And then maybe God nudges us back to real life, and gives us that free will to make choices, to make decisions, but at least we can feel better about stepping forward after we've met with Him. I need to meet with Him, I need him to come and meet with me.