4/16

This is a day late, but that's about right b/c I managed to busy myself enough this week to not think about what happened a year ago. I sort of pushed out that part of my week, off to the side so I wouldn't have to deal with it, all the questions and anger and confusion around it.

Until my drive home tonight from Core. It's as if God was like, "now is a good time." I thought about the time I went to visit the marching band to see the tone section after I graduated a couple years ago. It felt so good to be back, and when I walked toward the back of the field to see some tones, Stack went into really-ecstatic-full-of-joy mode immediately when he saw me. I felt so, missed. It was good to see Stack and it was good to see the tones.

I also thought about how we always sat next to each other in psych class and would walked over to practice afterwards. We usually laughed a good bit on the trek over to the field, and it did my heart good.

And then I thought about how he's dead now, he's not at Tech anymore, he's not around anymore. And to this I cried.

I parked my car outside of my place, and I cried. And then I felt the presence of my heavenly Father, Abba, the all-compassionate God. And it was like He sat with me while I cried and wrapped His arms around me, and mourned with me. Now as I write this I feel a hint of rejoice, because the loving, compassionate God whom I trust was willing to meet with me.